closing out open tickets

in the last couple of months i have had the strangest desire to close out relationships. i am aware that i will be leaving soon and know that i wont see many family, friends, and muses for some time.

as such, i have arranged lunches, drinks, and get-togethers with people in order to close out their "case". a final session with each in order to know that ive dotted my "i"'s and crossed my "t"'s. its an effort to find finality or closure, i suppose.

by and large this has led to a measure of disappointment. the relationship is not as close as i had thought. the person does not care as much as i had hoped. they are not as likable as i had previously imagined. a variety of these types of thoughts and feelings enter my head. perhaps it is all so much justification bias. if im disappointed in all these that i'm leaving, it will be all the easier to leave.

-j.k. leopold