this weekend i went to a family member's peewee soccer game. She's 4 and despite having a cold, seemed to have a blast kicking the ball around. this was the final game of the season and when it was over the kids all got a trophy for their hard work. by this time the lil kid was wiped out. shed just run her legs off, her nose was red from a cold, and her frown told you, she just wanted to go home.
but it wasnt over. mom wanted the perfect "end of the season and holding a trophy" photo. the little girl was crying because she had had enough and wanted to go home.
"smile arianne, smile, smile arianne, come on smile!...roy, tell her to smile!" mom said becoming increasingly agitated.
"come on honey, smile" dad says in a soft voice.
quickly she tilted her head and put on a broad and pained smile. the second the camera flashed her frown returned. it was completely false. she did not feel it one bit, but did it because it was expected.
just then, i experienced an epiphany.
it seemed wrong. training a kid to express emotion it didnt feel. training a child to be emotionally dishonest. training it to devalue the authenticity of its own emotions. its not what you feel little girl, its the way you present to others that truly matters.
i felt really sad when leaving this game. like i witnessed a painful aspect of growing up that happens to us all.
1 comment:
interesting insight... it makes me think of photo albums and how they reflect, in some respects and at some levels, a distorted catalog of life.
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