antiques, pleasant surprises, and dashed dreams.

i like watching "the antiques roadshow". i dont know why exactly.

on the show normal folk (you know, normal like the normal santa clause looking guy in the picture above) bring their old wares and oddities to show to some expert. this supposed expert talks about how lovely the peice is and how hes only seen one other in such good shape.

and the person usually has some story about the peice, like, "my great grandfather brought this back from chiner and we were told it was from the ming dynasty".


i like seeing the antique peices and i like hearing their stories. but most of all, i like the drama.

the expert knows what its worth and he leads the person on asking questions and talking about the rarity. sometimes he'll challenge their story. "im sorry to inform you, this was probably not given to your great great grandmother by the king of persia, because its a fake made in boston at the middle of 20th century".

then after all this build-up, he eventually tells the poor soul what its worth.

then it happens.

you look at the persons face and you know, you just know whether it was more or less than they expected. you can see it in there eye...the joyous surprise or the painful dissappointment. but regardless of the look or their feeling, they always say the same thing..."oh my thats great", or "oh, well isnt that something".

they never say "shit-balls! i thought it was worth more than that" or "youre a forking liar!"

why is that?

Its like its socially acceptable to be pleasantly surprised, but youre an idiot if youre disappointedly surprised, so you supress it.

weird.

forcing the smile

this weekend i went to a family member's peewee soccer game. She's 4 and despite having a cold, seemed to have a blast kicking the ball around. this was the final game of the season and when it was over the kids all got a trophy for their hard work. by this time the lil kid was wiped out. shed just run her legs off, her nose was red from a cold, and her frown told you, she just wanted to go home.

but it wasnt over. mom wanted the perfect "end of the season and holding a trophy" photo. the little girl was crying because she had had enough and wanted to go home.

"smile arianne, smile, smile arianne, come on smile!...roy, tell her to smile!" mom said becoming increasingly agitated.

"come on honey, smile" dad says in a soft voice.

quickly she tilted her head and put on a broad and pained smile. the second the camera flashed her frown returned. it was completely false. she did not feel it one bit, but did it because it was expected.

just then, i experienced an epiphany.

it seemed wrong. training a kid to express emotion it didnt feel. training a child to be emotionally dishonest. training it to devalue the authenticity of its own emotions. its not what you feel little girl, its the way you present to others that truly matters.

i felt really sad when leaving this game. like i witnessed a painful aspect of growing up that happens to us all.

purposeful ignorance

i like this quote a lot...

Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interferences, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness...all of them due to the offenders' ignorance of what is good or evil.
- Marcus Aurelius

i dont believe it, but i like it. i mean i believe the part about all the crummy stuff (i originally said "shit" here but then thought better of it) people inevitably do to you on a day to day basis. and i believe its good to prep yourself for it. but i dont believe its out of ignorance of their evil, their misdeeds, at least not entirely.

at some level we are knowledgable. its painful to look at our misdeeds so people typically chose to simply avoid looking. self-absorbed, willful ignorance is not really ignorance. its like playing dumb. there is will in that avoidance.

think about apologies. theyre pretty rare. but its not because people dont know that they did wrong to the other, its often because they dont want to face what they did, and apologizing makes you face it.