getting (dis) connected

sometimes i'll open up every tab which connects me to others over the net. theres this site where my alter-ego resides. theres my school e-mail. theres my personal e-mail. theres a facebook account. i find it a lonely endeavor when i do this and there's no responses from anyone. its like eagerly checking ones answering machine, only to hear "you have no new messages."

heres the odd thing. prior to being hooked up with all these new fangled sites i never cared whether or not any one was interested. internet loneliness was born out of trying to connect. out of existing on the net.

there is a parrallel to life here. stepping out and living also comes at a price. pain, suffering, and loneliness are inevitable. perhaps if we try hard not to exist, dope ourselves up, hide in our room with the shades closed and a pillow over our head we can avoid this pain, but are we really existing?

i'm glad someone finally said it...

http://www.newsweek.com/id/194640?GT1=43002

i-ddicted

i am addicted to my i-pod shuffle. lately i take it everywhere, to school, shopping, running, it doesnt matter. life is just a little bit better if my music provides a ready explanation of why im doing it. it gives me a continual soundtrack for my life. pumping me with motivation, or or love, or angst, or lust, or anger. whatever the situation demands, my soundtrack guides. smashing pumpkins while the wife tried on clothes at dillards. depeche mode while running. white stripes while making my way to the library for more research.

is it a crutch though?

the other day i was running and my i-pod stopped halfway through my run. out of charge. i panicked. i looked at it. shook it. for a second i questioned my ability to continue my run.

does the music allow my internal motivation to become obese and lazy. the soundwaves blare into the little room brushing the dust off the blue light, while mr. motivation sits in the corner eating tweenkies.

gray hairs

for the last couple of years i have been keenly aware that i have a couple of gray hairs. one on my left temple, one on my right. unlike many people i am actually quite fond of them. i view them kind of like scars. theres a certain pride in having a few. theyre like my lil friends who speak to my suffering on this here earth, and God knows i want others to know how ive suffered.

anywho, this morning i was looking at myself in the mirror (which by the way gets less and less fun the older i get) and i thought i should check in on my two gray friends. check, check. they were still there.

but lo and behold, there were about 5 additional lil gray hairs on my left temple. i guess they must have gone and had babies or somethin'.

maybe im not an immortal afterall?